Naught-Naught, my love
This is my new format. I hope you all like it. I was getting tired of writing about what I hate. I felt stifled. Now I can write about whatever I want. I can write about hate and I can write about love, too. These first couple of posts might be somewhat boring and insufferable. But bear with me as I find "my voice." And don't be all selfish and stop reading after one bad blog. I'm really sensitive about my blogs.
Since I've been writing so much about what I hate, I want to write about something I love. It's a family member. She's wonderful. And awesome. Her incisors are a bit on the rotten, black and crumbly side but that just makes me want to smell her breath all the more. Stinky but unique to her. Which is why I love it. The family member I'm talking about is my cat, Naught-Naught. Shut up -- like your cat's name is any better. Geez. Anyway, she's my pride and joy. Here she is:
I know she's gorgeous. Thank you. But here is why I like her: 1) She fetches balls. I'm dead serious. I know this is a dog trick. Don't ask me. Maybe she's some kind of hermaphripet -- half dog/half cat. 2) She answers all my questions with an "A-for-Effort" half-laryngitic mew. Unlike my husband. Or my kids. Or my boss. 3) She snuggles like there's no tomorrow. She gets under the covers, purrs like a Harley and starts drippin' drooly spit everywhere. It's awesome. I love that freakin' cat.
I'm definitely having her stuffed once she's passed. Not like you're thinking. Not like taxidermy. Gross. I'm sure. I'm not a weirdo freak who takes her dead pet in and says "put that head on a plaque for me. Then varnish the whole shebang up so she don't get mold on 'er."
I wouldn't do THAT. Silly you.
No, I'm going to get her stuffed at Build a Bear workshop. Don't be jealous. This way I can sleep with her at night. And buy her Hello Kitty pjs and matching slippers (two pair) and even her own little skateboard. I can toss a plastic heart into her little lifeless carcass, too. For only 3 extra dollars. And I can say something into a really small recorder and they'll toss that shit in there with the cotton-candy fluff, too. For only 10 extra dollars. But it will be worth it when I squeeze her little hollow paw and hear me imitating her meowing. And even though she's really at this point dead, I can resurrect her by making her a little birth certificate. For only 5 extra dollars. Naught-Naught will live forever. Thank you, Build-a-Bear workshop. For making dreams come true.
My cat Naught-Naught, by the way, has a long-lost twin brother. We found him while on the Internet the other day. It's freaky. FREAKY how much they look alike. And the cat's description even says he fetches balls (insert Twilight Zone music here).
Anyway, I'm going to leave you with a nice poem I have slaved over to describe my feelings for my beauty-queen cat, Naught-Naught.
Not your average cat
And not your average dog either (but possibly a mix of the two)
U know she's cute; just admit it.
Geez. Admit it, I said.
Heart full of love (and hairballs that need to be lubed up with some greasy Meow Mix and then dislodged on the rug)
Treasure
-
No, we're not done with this poem.
And don't close this browser, you rude bastards.
U know who you are.
Getting back to the cat...
Her fur is soft as feathers
Totally in love am I.
posted by Vicki Stockton @ 8:15 PM
8 Comments:
Finally..someone who loves their pet as much as I do!! I'm stuffing my basset hound one day as well. But when you squeeze his paw, Elvis' 'You Ain't Nuthin' but a Hound Dog' is going to play. We should put a gig together and take our stuffed pets on the road.
Great new format!
Everynow and then you have to step outside your blog and do other things.
I too have been considering this. Something less harsh than doomcake, something to show my softside. Something where I can share my dogs.
It will have to wait.
Now I have to go and add another link.
TV
Nadia is cute, but she is no Harley. Harley doesn't go for a ball (too doggish). She takes the round tab we pull from a gallon of milk and brings it in her mouth into the bed, spits it out and waits for it to be thrown. She then fetches and brings it back. And, she decides when the game is over. So cattish. Humm, Build a Bear of a stuffed Harley. Pretty creepy. And, while we are at it, how many people have a dog that smiles? Our Haisley does, even did it for the vet today.
There is a guy down south that will stuff your cat for you. I think I saw him on 60 Minutes.
Your cat's name isn't that bad. Our cats names are Cuddley and Scratchy. Can you guess why?
Kimmy -- I like the idea. WE'll call this band The Stuffies. Thanks for visiting my new format, by the way.
TV -- Don't give up on Doomcake yet!! I'm just starting to get hooked!
Harley's Mom -- Not to be mean, but Harley is stuck up and Haisley has a tapered head. Just sayin.
Emmy's mom -- Cuddley and Scratchy. Mmmm. That's really creative. Thanks for posting!
Well, now I've heard it all.......You forgot to mention how she lets you pet her, and then turns and bites you! She also barely remembers her Gamma, and won't even say hello. Looks aren't everything.
Jolie laughed so hard when she heard you are going to BBW to stuff Nadia. She wants to clarify that birth certificates and hearts are free, and hearts are fabric NOT plastic.
Catlover -- AT least I don't go on vacation and then come back to find my cat of many years mysteriously missing. Curtis. Meanie.
Jolie -- I'm happy you read my blog! If I really do get Naught-Naught stuffed, it will be the first time that I own a "Build-a-Bear" pet that you didn't own first :)
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